If someone would have told me a few years ago... all that was bound to happen.. I would have not believed them. It is difficult to go through life when there is no sense of goal. And I have figured out that I need new goals. A new spark! I am a lot better and I thank God for the "dark times" because believe it or not they have made me stronger and I would not be the person I am today had I not struggled with all the "nonsense".

     I guess one of the things that hurts the most is when relationships are broken. And by this I mean with anyone, even with family. One of my main goals a long time ago was to keep that family essence going, and don't get me wrong. I have tried my best to understand my close ones more. But I think that the major thing that has helped me the last couple of days has been embracing ALL of the feelings I have and embracing ALL of the pain.

     You know.. it's those dark moments, those dark bad feelings that know one wants to embrace.. but I have learned that all those broken parts of us want is LOVE. And as soon as you do all that they are happy. And the healing process begins!

Best Wishes,
Andrea <3

     Yesterday, with the help of a guide... my wonderful mother. I came up with the conclusion that it's going to get better. I just have to be patient. Sometimes it's frustrating though and it's painful but then I realize all of that is what makes me stronger. And yes it seems like it's not fair but who I am today is the consequence of everything that happened. So today I am not wishing for something different. I'm just thanking God. My blessings are abundant like stars.

     Ever since I a little itty bitty girl, I read a lot. I remember telling my mom, "I read 50 pages! Can you believe that?" Then I would tell her, "I read 100 pages!" And so on... haha. Nowadays I try to read whenever I can. 

     I didn't know what was going to end up happening this year. I met a lot of new people. A lot of unexpected events occurred. In spite of it all I am thankful. I learned lessons. I fell and I got up again. A new year is coming full of the unknown and I accept that. I cleaned my room. I cleaned the closets. I am ready for what this new year has to offer.

Welcome year 2013! :)

     Boom. Boom. Boom. And it all depends whether it's club type of music or acoustic covers. And it all depends on where life is taking you. What you are feeling. What others around you our saying. What you are feeling. What is flying all over your mind. Whether or not you like this or that. Whether you're feeling down or full of life. What you are feeling. Whether someone made your day. Whether you just found out something awesome. If it rained or snowed. Whether or not you've heard from him or her in a while. Whether he or she are far away now. If you didn't get what you wanted. Are you traveling? Maybe you feel lost... or found. Are you wandering? I say music is the line between lost and found.

     What I mean to say is that sooner or later we are all going to pass away. Honest truth. We will not be able to take the material things we have wherever it is that we end up going to. Living life to the fullest... there are lots of ways to live up that statement and one of the most important ones is to stop caring about the material.

     I dare you to clean up your room, your house's rooms, your car, the closets, the boxes. Yep you'll bet wondering why you have all that stuff in the first place. 

     It will also make you feel better. Free yourself, you might have all these wonderful things other people need.

     I do not care anymore. Yes... there was a point when I did care, but today I don't. Yesterday I didn't and tomorrow I definitely won't care.

     I remember I was there too. I remember when my mistakes shaped the mood of my days. When if I thought I said something wrong the next day I would be nervous about it. Feel bad about it. And other stuff such as feeling bad for thinking I did something wrong.

     I learned that mistakes make me a better person. There is a point when you don't know better that what you know at the present moment. But... letting go is the way out. Let go because mistakes are not the BEAUTIFUL YOU. Mistakes don't define us.  We just have to learn from them.

     I have not forgotten what it feels like to feel hugged, spoiled, and loved during the season. Today, though, I write from a space very far away from what childlike hopes and childlike dreams used to be. I no longer wish for gifts. I no longer care if I have a christmas tree. But it doesn't stop here. My christmas spirit stops at the pain and hurt I feel and this is where my universal soul continues. I ache for innocence. I still look at christmas lights with deep awe and affection. Yes, I stopped caring about the presents but I can tell you this: The small amount of gifts I will give- I delicately wrapped with great affection and sincerity. And if I were to recieve gifts this christmas season I'd indulge at the suprise like I do whenever I eat chocolate. This is not meant to be sad or happy. I want to share what I have learned throughout the years. I have learned that people who do late christmas shopping and wrapping, worry for nothing. The gift is not going to last as much as a kind word of advice every now and then would. It's not about Christmas or my birthday or an anniversary. It's more about what I do each moment. It's how I treat everyone- the few seconds I have with them. There is no need to put on the fake smiles on family and holiday occasions. I admit not everything in my life feels right this Christmas season, and I embrace the fact that everything does not have to feel right. As long as I have a cup of hot chocolate... I think I'm ready to celebrate Christmas without the embellishments. Looking at the free and beautiful lights the sky offers daily, wrapped in the comfortable feeling of faith that this is just a phase and I'll be up again soon- floating around with them. For this time I'll just enjoy the view and learn and cry if I need to with nothing but the raw truth. Time heals... and so does the light in our stars.